Never a Bride
by ginchy-amanda
Summary: Missing moment from VOTF. Mara's thoughts while in the Jedi trance.


**Title: **Never a Bride  
**Author: **ginchy  
**Timeline: **During VOTF, when Luke puts Mara into the Force trance.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Star Wars or the paragraphs in italics taken from VOTF. Those belong to George, Disney, and Tim. But I certainly love the galaxy and them!  
**Notes: **Written for TFN Fanfic's SJRS 'Secrets' Challenge:

_The Secret: _  
**"I tell everyone that marriage isn't for me. NEVER have I been more terrified that this will never be me..."**

Thanks to **JediMara77** and **Jedi_Lover** for reading and their invaluable comments! Enjoy!

.

.

_"A phrase, right," she said, inhaling deeply, a strangely cautious mood touching her mind. "Okay, see if you can handle this one..."_

_She told him, and he smiled. "Got it," he said, and stretched out with the Force._

_A minute later she was fast asleep in his arms._

_**The Past:**_

The dress fell around her like liquid, white fabric pooling around her legs as she studied herself in the mirror. She fingered a curl of her hair, guiding it into place as the door slid open behind her.

She didn't watch his approach, focusing instead on the rise and fall of her own chest in the mirror.

"White suits you." The man's voice, foreign and accented was as smooth as the line of her dress. He stopped behind her, and slid one arm around her waist. His lips brushed her neck. "One day you'll make a beautiful bride."

Mara laughed as if pleased. "I'm not sure marriage is for me," she tittered, playing pretend.

The man laughed and tried to catch her eye in the mirror. "One never knows."

Mara's gaze did not meet his and rested instead on the curve of her leg. She imagined the vibroblade hidden there and the fate that might await this man at her Master's whim.

She did not answer him.

.

Getting used to the organization had been at once very easy and extremely hard. She liked serving a greater purpose and how ordered Karrde was with his crew. But her coworkers were open, friendly. She found it hard to deal with them in the capacity of equals, even as she genuinely appreciated her position among them. Her past failures haunted her, even as she sought to keep them under wraps.

Early on in her career with Karrde, after a long trip to the edge of Wild Space, they were en-route back to the Core, coffers filled and spirits light. Pouring glasses of a rare vintage wine, Karrde had sat with her in a secluded corner, looking at her with too sharp a gaze. "Sometimes I would swear that you have a broken heart, Mara," he said, giving her an open statement as if he expected an answer.

The free flowing wine was the only reason she didn't tell him to kriff off. "There was never a heart to break."

"I doubt that," he said, favoring her with a smile. "But I don't do well with sob stories about broken engagements or-"

Mara cut him off with a snort. "I'm definitely not the marrying kind, Karrde. Beyond that, there's nothing to know."

He nodded and refilled her empty glass. "Of course."

Karrde knew when to stop asking questions. She appreciated that about him.

.

Mara turned off the holovid, rolling her eyes as she set the remote device on the table beside her.

"Thank you." Lando's murmured words were barely audible over the shuffling of flimsies in his hands.

As a rule, Mara didn't like to make small talk with Lando. Given a klick, he took far more than a parsec. But she was bored and feeling charitable. "For what?"

Lando looked up with a smile. "For turning off that holo trash about Luke. Those tabloids already have him married off."

"He is moving quickly," she muttered, reaching out to grab a stack of flimsies from Lando's bed. She shuffled through idly, not really paying attention to the words. "A little too quickly."

"Hm?" Lando glanced over to her bed. "Luke? Well, when you're in love..."

Mara threw the stack of forms on the bed. "It's just fast."

Lando's grin lit his face. "What? Hasn't the beautiful Ms. Jade ever been swept off her feet? I would guess not," he answered himself. "You're like me. Not the marrying type."

"Damn right." Picking up the flmisies, she started flipping through again. "Now let's get back to work."

.

**The Present:**

There's nothing to do now but wait. I'm aware of the water surrounding me. In the trance I am conscious, even as I see visions from my past. A past I'd rather forget and the darkness of the trance is not welcome, or calming. Luke has seen my death and even if the future is always in motion, my path seems fairly ordained. The water is a huge giveaway.

Even as my death looms, marriage is on my mind. I tell everyone that marriage isn't for me. My ring finger is bare and so has been my heart. Marriage has never equated to love or completion. It's not even a servitude, not fear as some may suppose. Marriage has been nothing to me, something other people do.

And now, Luke has proposed marriage.

I said _yes_.

I can't fathom a wedding. A dress, rings, flowers. It's all foreign, even if I used to walk about in silks with (deadly) flowers in my hair.

But there is love. My stomach clenches. I am in love.

I may soon be dying. There have been precarious situations before, and may be again.

Never have I been more terrified that I will not be a wife. I am so close to all I never knew I wanted. A marriage of minds. Of souls. Of equals. Bonded in the Force and grounded in reality.

Luke. I can feel his desperation, his worry.

But this is not the end. I know that, even as I feel myself come to a rest, my journey through the cave finished.

_**The Future:**_

The room is dark, thick sheets of rain falling outside of the window, splattering against the glass. She's left her muddy boots by the door and has used a towel to dry the water from her hair. The rainstorm caught her by surprise as she landed, though she should know better by now. Exhausted, she removes her makeup and her clothes, reaching around blindly until she feels his discarded shirt hanging over the hamper. He never quite manages to put the clothes in the hamper. But she can't muster any indignation as his scent and the worn fabric envelops her.

Padding softly to the bed, she stands over him, noting that his arm is thrown over his eyes and his datapad is in a precarious position on his stomach. Removing it to the side table, she settles into the bed next to him, lying her head on his shoulder and exhaling. His dreaming mind latches onto hers and she drowns into his vision, their bond melding them together until she is his dream, and he is hers. Her eyes close and she joins with him there, smiling at him as he realizes she is home, even as they lounge on a sun-drenched beach that is nothing like their humid jungle moon.

His hand clasps hers and she feels the warm metal of his wedding band rub against her fingers.

_Quite a welcome_, she thinks, looking at him, and he smiles, catching the thought. His mouth opens and he speaks...

_"I love you, Mara."_

_Her eyes blinked open, blinked again as she chased the water from them. "Hi," she said, breathing heavily as she grabbed his arm and maneuvered herself upright. "I see we made it."_

_"Yes," Luke said, taking her in his arms and holding her tightly, his tension and fear evaporating into a mist of utter calm and relief. The vision had been passed and Mara had survived it._

_And they were together again. Forever._

_"Yes," Mara murmured. "Forever."_

_They loosened their grips on each other just slightly... and standing together in the cold water, their lips came together in a kiss._


End file.
